Page 365 of Volume 2022

We’re at the end of the year, but I’ll start with my transition in the middle. I had gone home to get vaccinated in a hospital setting since I got turned away from getting my second dose at the site after my anaphylactic shock from the first dose. My allergies were out of control from the work stress and it took a lot of consultations with specialists and different medications to manage them and obtain a clearance. After switching brands and two shots after the switch, I learned of the doctrine class on trinity that the church was offering. They also went back to full capacity during services and I knew it was time to go back.

I came from the airport to the old apartment units to pack up the stuff for the moving truck but left even before the movers to catch the UAAP finals game. We got a really good spot behind the ring and all my prayers were heard, championship included.

Going back to the doctrine class, although I retook that course, there was so much more to learn about God’s essence or nature and how each person of the Trinity is unique and how they are distinct but equal and one. It deepened my appreciation of His character and of our redemption. I struggled a lot with my focus and understanding in studying anything related to the Word during the worst of the pandemic, but being present with other believers and having that fear and awe of God instilled once more brought that vertical relationship back in its proper place, in life’s front and center. And that contrast between God’s holiness and my depravity has been slowly teaching me to extend that grace and mercy that I have been receiving to fellow sinners.

After that class, another one on Christology was offered. Another retake, but a different take. Aside from showing a glimpse of the eternal Trinity outside of the redemption story, there was a presentation of the humility of Christ. I still can’t grasp the mechanics of the interactions between His divine nature and His human nature. But it is a blessing to trust in One who is faithful throughout history and whose ways are infinitely beyond me.

We also had an increase in number in our cell (discipleship group). They taught me to leave my comfort zone and take part even in activities like basketball, dancing and performing music, that put you in the spotlight and cost you sleep.

I got to reconnect with my college orgmates. When two of them got engaged then married, it created opportunities to bring more of us together and see the Lord’s hand in their lives.

I also made new church friends through a group that got revived, a Baguio trip, and the family day. And my older prayer group is going strong.

Finally, I’m back home for the holidays. I get to spend time with the family and the clan.

We were spared from a fire and a flood this year. Neither entered the house.

And lastly, I got a promotion and a raise. I don’t know how the role will affect my day to day yet, but it was nice to be appreciated and not just escalated. I kept getting blamed for project delays when tracking and clearing impediments and managing the scope are outside my responsibilities. An unbeliever would have watched the project burn instead of stepping in and up and paving the way for a bigger project (the current one). But we work for the Lord. That doesn’t make us corporate slaves though.

Wherever He leads, I’ll go.

Three Dozens

In eggs or in roses, it makes sense. In years, it’s an awkward mess. In hours, it’s perfect. And it points back to the grand design of the Maker of time.

A girl whose life is a mere breath has always been fighting for breath. But He saved her and saves her and will save her again. And a mess she will be until she becomes His masterpiece.

And should her life end at three dozen years, thrice perfect they shall be.

Life Interrupted

During my first birthday during the pandemic, I was relieved that I didn’t have plans. There was nothing for the lockdown to ruin. A year later, here we are again. I didn’t make a lot of plans, just solitude and sleep.

A lot of the earlier birthday greetings pointed me to verses about hope. One phrase from my last counseling session — rejoicing in hope — got me thinking. Hope in what? And so I went a chapter back. And now, I have even more questions than answers.

When I plan for the teams I find myself in, I consider the different possible scenarios and I’m very keen on the schedule. When it comes to my personal life, I’m the opposite. I don’t want variations to the plan, and when something goes off track, I would rather dwell on that instead of keeping to the schedule.

For someone who loves to travel, I hate packing and unpacking. And moving without my housemates, but with their stuff to a smaller space made me understand why small apps take so much space to install. I eventually moved to a bigger unit after the neighbors got evicted, but my reality stays. Work and recreation served as shields in their own ways. But the stillness exposes the state and the emotions.

I reread how the Bible came to the Philippines, and how God worked through nations to do so. I also started reading “TRUTH FOR ALL TIME A Brief Outline of the Christian Faith.” I didn’t get far. I’m still in the part about humanity’s depravity and how we needed the law to distress our conscience.

I planned to stay at the other unit, but the water supply was still turned off, and I had to contact the landlord, and it went downhill from there, if you were to view it from my control freak lens. And even the player who helped me grow in-game left today of all days without a word. And I had to go back to my questions.

Where is my hope? Is it in my abilities or in some vaccine? What do I hope in? Some so-called rich inner world or some fanciful daydream? Who is my hope? Who is worthy of both my life and eventual death, and daily dying to self? Only Christ.

I tried to recall the past year and all the movements that came with it, but they pale in comparison to what John Newton remembers: “That I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.”