i grew up in a Christian family. or so i thought. and i was a sunday school kid. basically, i grew up believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. i knew i didn’t want to go to hell so i began to question if i was saved. i never voiced my questions but the answer came one day. as He promised that those who seek shall find. i was in church and the pastor (and my uncle) was preaching about a change of heart and how only God can grant it. i acknowledged that i was nothing apart from God and asked Him to come and change my heart.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)
what is faith? belief? even demons believe in Jesus. faith is committing your life to Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior. it means entrusting your life to your Master and Maker. grace, on the other hand, is something undeserved that was given.
when i entered sixth grade, i learned to swear and curse. it was the trend in my class. third year high school found me frequenting bars with my barkada. but the Lord was gracious because i never got drunk, not even tipsy. by fourth year, i was banned from hanging out with them and i went against my parents’ wishes. my dad couldn’t find me when he came to fetch me after classes and they couldn’t contact my phone. i went home at ten in the evening. it was a vicious cycle. it almost drove my mom crazy.
the truth is i met someone and my life became centered on that person. he joined the barkada that school year so he was off limits, too. but before i started obeying my parents, i tried to spend every moment with the sweetest guy i knew, him. when i followed their orders, we lost contact and when i came back, i found out that a drunken moment brought him and one of my best friends together. he wan’t even courting her. i was only gone for two weeks and partly because i was sick. i didn’t cry. i didn’t tell anyone what i was going through. my only attempt at expression was a poem. it was the first one i wrote. i drifted away. i started talking to him again when christmas time came. after all, he was the one person with whom i confided my suicidal thoughts and my fights with my parents then.
college separated me from all of them. i got invited to a church on campus and to a fellowship as well. i joined the latter without knowing what it was. i found people whom i learned to trust. i was still in need of healing and i learned to turn to Him. i confessed my sins to the Holy One. i extended this same forgiveness that the Lord had shown me to those i left behind. i finally released all the pain and anger that was bottled up for so long. the Lord restored these broken relationships.
i wasn’t very successful in running and ruining my life. the Lord is once again the center of my life (and not some guy). i am a work in progress and He is faithful to finish it. praise the Lord!
***happy 20th birthday, joan rachel! ^_^