you jokingly said that song was dedicated to me. that was the same day i started to drift away… but i still remember the day we met at the tennis court. ice was practicing and you were up there with a guitar. we instantly clicked. you were still learning to play then. i found myself spending my free time and not-so-free time with you, teaching you to play my favorite song and read guitar tabs or just hanging out. everyday you would look into my eyes, play songs like harana and grow old with you, and tell me i’m beautiful. you waited for me to finish my chess practice so we could watch the cheerdance practice together. you carried my heavy books for me and when we walked, we’d pick flowers along the way. you used to lay my head on your shoulder as you stroked my hair. we loved art, anime, and lollipops. you listened to my every word as i spilled my thoughts. you believed in me even when i did not. you were a dream.
but there was this one time that we were supposed to meet and you didn’t show up. they kidnapped you and i couldn’t reach you. i wept for four straight hours. you pleaded with me to go to the street party. you said that i was your reason for going and you’d come fetch me and ask permission from my parents. i decided it was best to just meet you there. when i arrived, you went down on your knees with flowers you picked and begged for forgiveness. i just looked at you and you stayed in that position for a while. then we, your captors inluded, enjoyed the party and drove around for a while. at some point, you sat on the bench and i laid on your lap and watched the moon. the moment was broken when my phone’s alarm went off. it was time for my dad to fetch me. you walked me to our car in the cover of the shadows. as i was getting in and you were going on your way back to the gang, a slow song played. it was what we were waiting for all night, a dance. it’s been four years and i still owe you one.
then you did something that shattered my world. i wrote my first poem that night and never shed a single tear. i walked away. slowly at first until you couldn’t even glimpse my shadow. the pain ran so deep, but my lips were silent and my eyes were dry as they stared into space. i disappeared for three months. we all know what happened next. of course, i came back. as friends go, you were one of the best. and we stayed friends since. i kept the pain bottled up for almost a year. i moved away. you e-mailed just to say hi. it was twice as difficult to deal with my bestfriend’s going away. i had to be there for you when you wanted to jump off a building because she was gone. the bottled emotions spilled. it took me two years to empty its contents.
i don’t know how to make you feel special on your day. i’m glad we could still talk about everything, from the silly to the serious. you’re online and i want to tell you so many things, but the words won’t come. i’m just blessed to be with you in this space.